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Ten Golden Rules of Serious Dating

1. Set an Agenda
   Since I can't control anyone else's thoughts or actions, I decided once and for all to control my OWN actions and set my own agenda. In this case, I wanted to get married, and I made sure to communicate this to everyone I knew!

2. Be Proactive
   I stopped relying on "chance" encounters, and decided to proactively go out there and meet my future wife. I knew I could never make Ms. Right magically appear, but I sure wanted to avoid spending significant time in places she wasn't likely to be. I made sure I placed myself in those environments that I knew would be the most conducive to meeting the right kind of person. For me, one key environment was my local Aish HaTorah branch. Sure enough, I met my wife in a class on -- what else? -- "relationships!"

3. Make a "Spec's" List
   I made a list of criteria in great detail (and why not? I was beseeching the Master of the Universe!) for exactly for the type of person I was looking for. This was the single best tool I had to avoid wasting valuable time. How can you find something if you don't know what you're looking for?

4. Pick the Right Crowd
   I decided to avoid any and all individuals who were clearly counterproductive to my newly stated "mission." (Note: This was painful!)

5. Make a Fresh Start
   Since I wanted to start with a perfectly clean slate, I threw away the photos, phone numbers and personal keepsakes of every woman I had ever dated. No more casual phone calls or birthday cards -- no more contact whatsoever. Business is business!

6. No Expectations
   I realized, once and for all, that I wasn't going to "change" anyone, nor was anyone likely to "change" for me. I learned the hard way that expecting anyone to significantly change over the course of time is naïve and counterproductive.

7. Get a Second Opinion
   I picked two close, trusted friends to rely on who knew me inside and out. I made sure they met anyone I seriously considered becoming involved with, and I listened carefully to their impressions.

8. Time Limit
   Once I met someone who was in the ballpark, I gave myself an ironclad time limit of six weeks to find out. For me, this was a sufficient amount of time. If I wasn't sure by then, I knew it wasn't going to happen.

9. Watch and Learn
   "Kindness" is a mandatory quality that must be at the very top of everyone's pre-qualifying list of specifications. If someone's awfully nice to you, but awfully mean to his/her brother, mother, business associate or headwaiter, it's time to cut your losses and move on -- quickly.

10. No Physical Intimacy
    This was the toughest one of all, but absolutely necessary. Once we become physically involved, our judgment becomes irreparably clouded and we lose all our objectivity. Obviously there has to be "chemistry," but we're looking for a Life Partner here, someone to raise

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